Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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