Can i not drive my cunt home
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
