When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
