just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
