look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
