I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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