dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
