i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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