This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
