Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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