Pappa wants mamma naked
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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