Betty ford says i'm here all night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
