lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
