Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just had sex bonerless
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
