You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
false alarm, still single
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
