DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're like the curious george of whores
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
