i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
