Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
