I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
