found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
