dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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