i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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