an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
