I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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