We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
