Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
