haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
