Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
