I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
