I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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