He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
