Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
