she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize