It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
this is an emotional support booty call
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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