I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just invented taco cereal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
