Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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