Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I could make wine with my vomit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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