Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
