My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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