I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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