don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
