You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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