hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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