Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
