Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
