i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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