then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
