Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
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My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
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