The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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