Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
