u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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