So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
