Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
