he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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