I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
