I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
