I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
