Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
