false alarm. still invincible.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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