Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease