can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.