I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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