omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
