I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
