i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
