maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
