i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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