You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
