I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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