Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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