Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
