just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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